What is Your Parenting Style: Pushover or Hard Ass?

Evan will be 5 in June & I must admit that I love the stage he’s in right now.  He’s articulate, funny and smart (not that I’m biased or anything).  Unfortunately the flip side of that is that he can be pushy, demanding & whiny.  If I’m honest with myself, and you, I will admit that occasionally when he falls into those behaviour patterns the first thing I want to do is say “Okay…I give in…you win…just SHHHHHHHH!”

That would fall under the “pushover” category for sure.

Do you know what the Easter Bunny gave me? An Angry Bird!
My little tyrant.

Other times I yell “Stop that NOW or you are going to your ROOM (or losing video game privileges or getting a toy taken away).” Unfortunately I suck at the follow through so I end up looking like a pushover pretending to be a hard ass (and failing miserably).

When I am at my best, I am firm (without yelling) and I offer him options, choices or solutions to his frustration.  If he decides not to chose that route, then he goes to his room until he can be more calm and less bossy about the situation. This route, while better, often ends in tears (his) and frustration (mine) at how long it takes to get him to see reason.  I know that it is the better choice parenting wise and for his future but….

why is it so hard?

I know, I know, no one ever said parenting was easy.

So how do you fight the good fight & make the right choices in parenting even when they are the harder choices?

About Merry Kuchle

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24 Responses

  1. Jennifer Belanger
    Jennifer Belanger at |

    I know exactly what you mean, we are going through the same things here. Some times by the end of it I feel like I am the one that requires the time out in my room and I forget how it all started lol. One of these days someone will write an amazing instruction book that the hospital will give us and the writer will be rich

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Haha! I am the same. I have internal convos with myself where I say “Who is the parent here? I swear I am throwing more of a fit than he is!” I definitely need a time out occasionally.

      Reply
  2. RoryBore
    RoryBore at |

    my daughter could be heard crying endlessly and stomping her feet down the hall to her bedroom, all the while yelling over her sobs: “you’re a mean mommy and I don’t like this day!”

    and that’s when I knew……that not only did she get it……but I got it right too. LOL

    sucks, but ya just gotta be able to laugh at those moments. it’s much easier to follow up with hugs, kisses and tickle fights afterward.
    RoryBore recently posted…Pondering: I Choose You

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      I need more of those days. I think Evan knows his Mama is a pushover….which is NOT GOOD.

      Reply
  3. Marriann Hammond
    Marriann Hammond at |

    They say consistency is key. But MAN…It definately takes a major effort to be consistent. I totally give in lots of times and my 7 year old wins the battle. Tears get me everytime. He has an “ugly” cry. I like silence. lol I agree with you too Jennifer…an instruction manual would be ideal!!!
    Marriann Hammond recently posted…Adopted

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      An instruction manual would be awesome. Crying to get your way should be outlawed!

      Reply
  4. Tanya
    Tanya at |

    I think if you are perfect all the time, you have no kids! I know I was a much better parent when it was just a theoretical idea! As I strive to be better, I recognize my failings and try better the next day
    Tanya recently posted…We have a new Community Manager at momstown Central Alberta!

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Oh yes…weren’t we all better parents before we actually had kids. I remember saying “I’ll never…” Yeah…I do that all that stuff I swore I would never do all the time. ;)

      Reply
  5. smothermother
    smothermother at |

    i unfortunately yell way too much. then i feel terrible. i like to think that i am good with the follow through, but i know that i probably cave in more than i should. but he is a good kid and knows how to behave in public (for the most part) and at school. so i think as long as that keeps up, i guess i can put up with the whine that he seems to keep especially for me. until i loose it and scream again. *sigh* i think we are all in the same boat.
    smothermother recently posted…Knowing Me, Knowing You #29

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      I think you are right….we’re all in the same yelling boat. ;)

      Reply
  6. Jenny
    Jenny at |

    I am at the exact same stage Merry. Little Girl has just turned 5 – and usually she is great – but there are times that we battle.
    And the whining – oh the whining – that is the worst! I have a very firm – no whining policy.
    I tend to be more firm – I am constantly telling hubby – don’t put out there anything that you are not willing to follow through on.
    For the most part it works – I never threaten to do something that I am not willing to carry out.
    I will take toys (or her favourite blankie) and put them into a toy time out.

    But I agree with you – no one ever said it would be easy!!
    Jenny recently posted…Cream of Tomato Soup

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Oh the whining…..if it would just stop I could handle the rest of it.

      Reply
  7. Kelly
    Kelly at |

    An instruction manual would only work if it came with some kind of patience inducing drug….oohhhh, maybe I’ll write a book and sell it with a big vat of wine!! It helps to know we are all in the same boat! Hang in there mamas – the fact that we are taking the time to discuss parenting speaks volumes for how hard we work at this! P.S. – I, for the most part, love my 5 year old!! I figure it’s the reward for dealing with a 4 year old, lol!
    Kelly recently posted…On Marriage

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Ok…I TOTALLY agree with you! Vats of wine all around!

      Reply
  8. Lisa Marie
    Lisa Marie at |

    lol I love the comment “weren’t we better parents before we had kids?” so true.

    I’m a total fail with consistency. and I HATE whining – it’s driving me insane! :S

    At least I know I’m not alone….
    Lisa Marie recently posted…Dear New Mom Me.

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Nope…there’s a whole boat full of inconsistent yelling moms around here. ;)

      Reply
  9. Leslie
    Leslie at |

    Haha I did behaviour modification for 5+ years and I still catch myself yelling every once in a while! But my biggest tip is to anticipate the battles, pick the ones you are going to fight and have your plan ready. So if I know there is going to be a fight in the grocery store BEFORE we even get there I am talking in the car ride over about good listening and my expectations and possibly presenting a chance to earn a reward for good behaviour depending on if I think the situation warrants it. ie. it is something that I know he always has trouble controlling his impulses over? then I want to up the ante to beyond verbal praise. Plus dealing with MAJOR temper tantrums with a variety of ages has made me an expert ignorer! Remember too you can always change your mind and explain why you did it. But always follow through on part of the consequence you laid out otherwise he just learns you don’t mean it.
    Leslie recently posted…Pend Oreille Resort in Hope Idaho

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Okay….you need to teach a class on how to do that. I’d be there with bells on.

      Reply
      1. Leslie
        Leslie at |

        Thanks not to say I don’t have my fair share of power struggles! But you are welcome to pick my brain any time :D
        Leslie recently posted…Pend Oreille Resort in Hope Idaho

        Reply
  10. Kathleen
    Kathleen at |

    Oh I struggle with this too, go from just do whatever to yelling. It’s so hard sometimes! I’m pretty much in between I guess.
    Kathleen recently posted…Ask Callista–4/20–Picky Eating, Product Reviews & Blogging

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      I think in between is good….as long as we strive for more good than bad. I think that’s all you can really hope for.

      Reply
  11. blablajunior
    blablajunior at |

    I have two girls,4 and 7, and sometimes I think the dynamics are really basic in our family… Essentially we are all fighting for the male’s attention. The power struggels are endless, between them, between them and me. Sometimes I feel like just wrestling them down, stare them in the eye and growl to show them who is the Alpha female in the house. That or taking the Ipad away…

    Reply
    1. Merry
      Merry at |

      Your comment made me laugh out loud. My little guy is ADDICTED to iPad. That is my #1 threat.

      Reply
  12. Shan @ the fairy blogmother
    Shan @ the fairy blogmother at |

    I’m probably more of a pushover than what I think I am. The whining drives me nuts though especially on those single parent nights.

    Reply

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