As you’ve probably noticed, I don’t write about Evan and his struggles much any more. He just turned 9 and I don’t want him to feel that his ADHD and anxiety define him. However, the more I talk to people, the more I think that our collective silence does more harm than good. Yes, it protects his privacy but it cements the feeling that it is something that NEEDS to be kept private. It’s not. It’s a medical condition just like diabetes, heart disease or anything else. Also, not talking about the struggles means it is harder to talk about the celebrations. Every kid deserves to feel like we are celebrating the wins in their life. Even those with ADHD.
You see, our world has changed. Here are a few examples:
- Evan completed an amazing year at a new school. The first 6 months were difficult but the last half was stellar.
- He taught himself how to ride a bike. After being “fired” from PedalHeads as unteachable, he figured it out all by himself.
- He attends kid’s club at the cottage every day. In the past, he couldn’t. The lack of structure drove him nuts. He also had trouble dealing with new and different kids every day. Now? He comes home saying it is the most fun ever.
- He asks the neighbors to play. Sounds silly, right? But in the past he needed me to go ask for him. Now? He bounds over to their house and asks them to play.
So while everything isn’t magically fixed and perfect, we are celebrating the small improvements. Celebrating the small easing of his movements in his world. Celebrating the easy smiles. Celebrating the bike rides. Celebrating the new friends. Celebrating the happy boy humming while he works. Celebrating the mornings at kids club.
Why am I writing this post? For all the moms out there who are not celebrating, know that it can get better. You can find the right therapist, the right medication, the right school, the right book. The right SOMETHING that will make a huge difference. Don’t listen to the people with kids who don’t need extra help. Stop hearing “if only you spanked, if only you cared, if only you didn’t medicate, if only you didn’t…..” They don’t know or understand. It isn’t their fault and it isn’t yours. YOU find what works for your family and ignore the noise.
Oh and be okay firing the things that don’t work. It doesn’t matter if everyone else LOVES the school your child is attending that isn’t working for them. If it doesn’t work, look for a change. If your therapist is lovely but you don’t see any improvement, find a new one. In this world of helping your child, it is not personal. Do what YOU need for YOUR family. Everyone will understand. If they don’t then that is on them.
You deserve the celebrations. They are there…you just have to find them.