The past eighteen months have been…..a challenge….for me. So many changes, so much angst (mostly in my own head). I totally lost my way for a while. You may not have noticed because, if nothing else, I have an amazing ability to hide my inner demons from most everyone except my immediate family. Let’s just say…..it wasn’t pretty. My undiagnosed anxiety did NOT help either. Thankfully, after making lots of big changes, I feel like I have turned the corner. No, everything is not coming up roses but I feel like I am on the road to roses and even if I never get there, this road I am on is pretty awesome.
I have a great friend who was my rock through all of this. She is amazing and she always reminded me that I needed to chase my happy…..whatever that may be. Unfortunately, for a while I had no idea what my happy looked like. After many long days of navel gazing, I think I have a much better idea. I’ve realized that happy is not something that I arrive at, instead it is in the small things that I do every day. Choosing to see the happiness in walking Evan to school, in doing work I enjoy and in spending time with my family. To celebrate my journey, I’m posting pics of the things that are making me happy this week.
I have determined that sitting on the couch is my enemy. For the longest time, it was all I wanted to do. If I’m honest, it is all I want to do most of the time now too. However, if I get up and GO, I feel so much better. One thing that I really enjoy is mowing the grass. There is something very zen-like about seeing the chaos of dandelions disappearing into a smooth, green lawn.
Reconnecting with Evan. I have had to come to the realization that Evan is very much like me. He has similar anxieties and issues that I do…..and then some. He can be very challenging at times but that is not his entire story. He is also a very outgoing child who loves freely and tells a great joke. He decided that he hated the new boat until we convinced him to drive it. Now he adores the boat. It’s a daily challenge to find ways to help him navigate his way through life and cope. I think having me coping better is really helping him and I know that he definitely helps me.
Dewey calls Cooper my Prozac Puppy. If I am sitting down, he is in my lap. He is 100% my dog. We go everywhere together (unless I am going to work or a store that doesn’t allow him). I never knew how much I wanted….heck, needed…..a dog but now I am so very happy I have one.
I have decided to do what I WANT to do. You see, I’ve always wanted “fun hair”….you know hair with funky colors. I worked in a very conservative office so that was not an option. Now I don’t and I finally DID IT. Even though I was afraid I would look like an old lady trying to be a teenager, I told my inner voice to shut up and DID IT. I absolutely love it and am planning to add more colors soon. Screw what other people think. I love it and it is my hair.
Reconnecting with my husband. Though I am listing this last, it has been the most important thing in chasing happy. We’ve been married for 9 years and for most of that we worked together every day. We saw each other all the time but we ended up talking more about work than life. Now that we don’t work together, we realize that we need to talk….really talk. We love to go for lunch or date night and we love to watch Game of Thrones. We are happier and more content than I think we’ve ever been.
There are two mantras that have helped me immensely on this journey:
What other people think of me is none of my business.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
How do you chase happy?