The Lonely Side of Anxiety
If you have never had anxiety, you may think I have lost my mind. When you have a normal anxiety reaction, often being with people, talking to people, etc actually helps make you less anxious. In a scary situation you would call for help. If you are feeling lonely you might call a friend or make a lunch date.
When you have anxiety.....the asking for help, calling and talking to people can make you more anxious than the anxiety inducing situation itself. Totally weird and totally true (at least for me). I want to talk to people but the thought of picking up the phone makes me want to barf. (I'm sure my parents think this is amazing since I spent my teenage years glued to the telephone.) Both my mom and my dad have questioned if I am mad at them because I never call. I think they both think I call the other one.....compare notes it's not you, it's me.
Maybe the computer has made it easier for me to give in to my crazy. I can text, tweet, email and FB with people without any issue. It allows me to insulate myself behind the keyboard while still feeling connected. I talk to friends far and wide more than I ever have before. Unfortunately, though, some people don't live their life on the computer. I only say unfortunately because that means I don't talk to them very often. It's sad and I do make an effort but....
but....
Yeah. You could offer me $10,000 in exchange for talking on the phone and I would think before I said yes. I would still say yes because I'm not THAT crazy but it would take a minute for me to decide.
This weekend I am spending a wonderful weekend at the spa. Coming here, I was anxious about having a roommate, the ins and outs of going to the spa, what you were supposed to wear, do....pretty much everything. Now that I am here I realize that it was totally silly but still totally real. Thankfully the more I push myself out of my comfort zone, the less I listen to that inner voice.
See, I told you that you would think I'm crazy.
So why am I even letting you see in to the deep, dark, crazy that is my mind? To let you know that it is ME not YOU. And I don't think I'm the only one. If you have a friend that you haven't heard from in a while, don't assume it is because they suddenly don't like you any more. Maybe it is anxiety. Maybe they are going through a tough time. Maybe a lot of things.
You just never know because all those happy pictures on FB, Twitter, etc can hide a LOT. Believe me, I know.
Want an idea of what anxiety feels like? A friend sent me the link to this cartoon that totally explains how it feels!
I could have written every single word of this! I am better on the phone (and yes, spent every minute on the phone as a teen) these days, but still prefer to text or email. I think it's more of a "muscle memory" type of deal though if that makes any sense. Hugs to you.
Thanks lady! I think so many people go through this but we don't know what it is or how to express it.
Merry,
Thanks for writing your blog post and being so vulnerable with your social anxiety. You're right, you are not alone. Social anxiety is a HUGE issue and ironically, social media probably has helped people who struggle with social anxiety, to become even more anxious. It is very easy to be connected virtually, and not miss much, especially when you are a mom, and really have no reason to go out and about. I am a small business owner and I live and work at home, and I just moved to a new state over a year ago, and I have found it hard for me to even get out of the house - in part because I work and live at home and in part because I don't know anyone yet. So, I make it a point to get out though, even if just for a short time, because I know, not only from my experience treating people with social anxiety and depression, but also because I could easily fall into that whole cycle of avoidance, if I don't choose to get out of the comfort-zone of my home. I have a number of free audio podcasts on Anxiety and fear that you may enjoy (or not, depends on what you like) but you're welcome to check them out. I'm also having a giveaway at my blog for a free month of coaching, if you'd like to participate in that and see if you win. I didn't come here to plug that, but since it fits with your post, I figured, it wouldn't hurt. 🙂 Thanks for that Anxiety owl too! I had never seen that before!
welcome to my brain.
and thank goodness for social media, or there would be friends that i never speak to at all. like all of my friends from back home whom i fell out of touch with when i moved. now we are in constant contact and even see each other a few times a year, including the girls weekend that i look forward to so much.
I totally agree. If it weren't for social medai, I would never talk to anyone!
I am very glad you are sharing here. And remember, you can share anything with me IRL, too.
Thank you, Michelle. That means so much!
It is so true - anxiety is paralyzing, and sometimes all it takes is the ability to get out of your comfort zone and just face the music... but that's not always an option. I too, feel like being part of an era that is digital - it's easier to express ourselves through our blogs, or through a text/email, or other social platforms. Sometimes, I just do a google search - and I read up on someone who is feeling the exact way as I am, and I am immediately comforted. You are NOT crazy - you are definitely not alone in this sister!
Thank you. I agree...sometimes I can white knuckle it and just suck it up, buttercup but sometimes....not.
This is a really powerful post as I think many people feel the same way. It's easy for us all to hide behind our social media lives and we tend to forget that things are not always as they seem. I get nervous every time I pack for a plane ride. I'm not worried about turbulence or terrorism, but the consequences of living this life. I often feel I'm not worthy enough to be a travel writer and jet around the globe. My anxiety is that something might happen to me or my family when I'm gone as punishment for living this frivolous life that brings in so little money, yet makes me so very happy. A lot of people would say that's crazy, but for me, it's very real, and every time someone comments on Facebook saying "why are you there?" "how did you get that gig," I feel those gremlins.
Gremlins is a good word for those little whispers! I am so jealous of your life and would love to go jet set with you! Enjoy it!
I think it's awesome that you share, Merry. I know how much power there is in helping others feel less alone, and you certainly do that.
Thank you Robin. You are one of the bloggers that inspired me to share my story.