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Pleasantly Plump – Another Chasing Happy Instalment

Evan and I Drinking Peter's Milkshakes - Merry About Town

Pleasantly plump is an old-fashioned term of endearment/way of saying that someone has a bit of meat on their bones. A bit plump. It is something I grew up hearing said and something that I never, ever wanted to be. You see, I wanted to be tall and slender. I got the tall part. Ish. I’m 5 foot 7 so I am on the taller side of normal. The slender part I also got….ish. I am much too hourglass shaped to ever be slender unless I stop eating all together.

For years I kept a running tally of everything I put in my mouth. I always ate more than I should have to get as close to slender as I liked but little enough to keep myself from going crazy. It consumed my mind always. Should I be thinner, should I eat less, should I try this diet or that one, should I give up bread, should I give up meat, should I give up cheese, should I give up sugar?

Buzzz….buzzz…..buzzz….

You see, it was my anxiety talking. It was an ever-present buzzing of the voices in my head, the quickening of my heart, the shaking of my hands.

If I gain weight will I be good enough?
If I gain weight will I be loved?
If I gain weight will I disappear?
If I gain weight will I…..

Endlessly. To the point that I could eat more because it was like I was on speed. I practically vibrated.

Now, thankfully I am no longer vibrating. In fact, I can sit still for hours at a time if I like. Yep. And often I do. Ensconced on the couch with a blanket, writing. Unfortunately the lack of vibration has also had another symptom.

I am turning pleasantly plump.

Since going on medication, I have gained ten pounds on top of the 5 pounds I really wanted to get rid of. Is it because of the medication? I don’t know. I think it might be a part of it but not that the medication made me gain weight….instead it quieted the voices in my head that never allowed me to eat a second serving of ice cream in the past that always made me question every bite of food that went in my mouth.

I’ve determined that pleasantly plump can be a good thing. You see, I prefer being pleasant. My medication helps me be a more pleasant person. I like that. Does it make me plump? Maybe. You know what, though? I choose pleasant. Even if that means plump comes with it.

I choose pleasant….and I think my family applauds my decision. It’s part of my chasing happy and part of theirs too.

Now excuse me while I enjoy my croissant while I walk (because plump doesn’t have to mean lazy. I walk like a madwoman. Especially while eating croissants.)

Croissant on the go - Merry About Town

Robin @ Farewell, Stranger

Saturday 15th of November 2014

I love hearing you talk about that and sound comfortable. I know it's a struggle either way, but on balance feeling good is probably a much better state to be in. :)

Merry Kuchle

Saturday 15th of November 2014

It is a struggle. I would love to be thinner. But.....yeah. So I deal and I try to love myself just the way I am. It is definitely a work in progress.

sisters from another mister

Friday 14th of November 2014

Love to eat. Hate to workout. A closet introvert and travel nowhere without a wingman. After this last while, I am amazed I have stayed away from meds, but the health of my liver may be in question. And I am ever thankful for a certain cab ride in San Diego - because you are awesome.

Merry Kuchle

Saturday 15th of November 2014

I am thankful for that same cab ride. Otherwise we would not share a friendship that is strong even though it spans 2 countries and thousands of miles. Miss you, lady!

Angela

Friday 14th of November 2014

Merry, I always mean to comment on your “Chasing Happy” series. But somehow the words always seem to escape me. I think it’s partly because there is so much to say, a lot of it pretty personal. I too struggle with anxiety, body image and eating disorders, as well as having a “mini me” that displays a lot of the same behaviors. I think it’s very brave and helpful to those of us not speaking out publicly about our struggles to admit and accept ourselves as we are. So thank-you!

Merry Kuchle

Saturday 15th of November 2014

I am so glad the series speaks to you Angela. I know how hard it is to talk about it. That is why I keep doing it even though I wonder if I have lost my mind sometimes.

Brandy

Friday 14th of November 2014

Yes, gaining weight can be a downside of taking meds. But there can be many good sides as well. I am glad to see that you are feeling a lot better while on meds. I love reading your series about overcoming your anxiety. I am super proud of you. And I think you look great just as you are!

Maybe we should go for virtual walks together to get each other off of the couch. hehe!

Merry Kuchle

Friday 14th of November 2014

YES! That would be awesome. I am usually really good about going for walks but the cold weather makes it hard for me to get motivated. Thank you for reading & I'm really glad you are enjoying the posts.

smothermother

Friday 14th of November 2014

my sister's bipolar meds affect her weight. she has always been an hourglass shape and struggled with her weight but the meds make it a little more difficult. but she is much more pleasant, as is the whole family. she has a personal trainer and is now in way better shape than most of us. so really, pleasant and plumb is nothing to poke fun at. glad pleasant is working for you finally! :)

Merry Kuchle

Friday 14th of November 2014

Me too! One day I will get back in to the exercise routine (more than just walking).