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Sometimes Parenting IS Hard!

Sometimes Parenting IS Hard!

I read an interesting blog post today about parenting. The writer asserted that parents use the saying “parenting is hard” as a cop-out that allows them to yell, hit, grab, drag, etc their kids. She went on to say that those behaviours are NEVER appropriate and you should always be able to handle your kids without basically ever raising your voice to them.

Yeah….

I kinda wish I could say that I do that…..but I would be lying.  I don’t yell all the time but I do yell.  In fact, I may have written this on Facebook earlier this week:

I only had one nerve left & Evan is on it. He got mad at the mall so I ended up dragging him out kicking & screaming. I may be (as my daddy would say) “paying for my raising”.

It was not my finest moment.  Evan was mad because I wanted him to blow his nose.  He wanted to stick a wad of toilet paper up his nostril and walk around like that. Um…no.  He decided that his way to combat my request was to yell at me in a not very nice voice and throw himself to the floor.  He’s gotten quite a bit heavier lately, so I can’t really carry him when he’s thrashing about without dropping him on his head.  So…I held his hand and headed for the door.  He then dropped to the floor and refused to walk.  I *may* have drug him a few feet before begging him to walk, then picking him up, then putting him down, then walking, dragging, begging, rinse, repeat.

Finally, I had enough and I dropped his hand and walked off saying “Bye” over my shoulder.  Don’t worry….I knew where he was at all times. The wailing was so loud that everyone in the mall knew where he was.  He then chased after me.  We got to the doors and I said “It’s really cold outside so we should put on your coat.”  Screams of “No” and a collapse onto the floor was what I got.  So I went through the first set of doors.  He followed & still refused to put on his coat.  I said “Fine…guess you’ll be cold”.  We made it to the car, where he then demanded that I take him back to the doors and let him walk to the car.  Um…no.

We finally made it home….me the frazzled mother and Evan the sad boy who really didn’t want to leave the mall.  I truly think he learned that he can’t push me around by yelling and throwing a fit.  Now…if the blogger were there what would she have done?  I tried talking to him on his level and explaining that the behaviour was inappropriate.  IT DIDN’T WORK and we were at the mall disturbing hundreds of people (he was REALLY loud).  I was NOT going to give in because I really do not want to make him think that behaviour gets him what he wants.

So…I won’t use “Parenting is hard” as a cop-out but dammit…parenting IS hard even though it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done!  I love my little mop top!

So…what do you think?

RoryBore

Sunday 22nd of January 2012

Oh, I am fired up about that article. I may have to take a deep breath. Nah, I shoot from the hip - comment left, let's see how our author handles it.

good parenting is hard - truth. no excuse for abuse - truth. Don't beat yourself up over bad days. tomorrow is another go. we do the best we can. we are not perfect - but we can all be forgiven. Don't let an article like this get you down! Hers is a verbal tongue lashing and it's no less abusive. there is not one scrap of love, compassion, empathy or kinship with other mothers in her article. It's someone on a soabox, glaring down and shaking her head at the rest of us. And I am a mom. I'm a good mom. I fail. And I think for her: a hard rain is gonna fall.

Shan @ the fairy blogmother

Sunday 22nd of January 2012

Oh boy is it hard. Abby is a pretty easy kid, but Maya is a game changer. She keeps me on my toes, always throwing curve balls. I'm far from prefect. I raise my voice more than I wish I did, but at the end of the day I figure I'm not doing any worse than my Mom did and my brother and I turned out pretty good.

Sarah

Saturday 21st of January 2012

I agree, parenting IS hard. Last week at -25 my boy-8 refused to wear his jacket outside from the car to the Safeway door. I said "fine! But you WILL be cold.". On the way in a woman coming out looked at us both and said "oh my!!!". Whatever lady, you can put his coat on him next time. Sigh.

Leslie

Saturday 21st of January 2012

Parenting is hard and it is not a cop out to excuse the occasional slip up! I did behaviour modification for 6 years before having Grady and I have a hard time staying neutral when we are down to that last straw. It sounds like you dealt with it in a great way to me. Kids seem to be extra hard on their moms not necessarily because we are too easy on them (trust me I am not) but because they know we are the fastest to forgive. One tip that has been really helping Brian with Grady more is give choices all of the time. I do it more naturally from having done it for work but it is really something you have to think about doing. Things like "Do you want to blow you nose with kleenex or toilet paper?" or silly choices like "do you want to wear you coat forwards or backwards?" even choice when it seems like there is no choice "which bathroom do you want to go in?".

we have seen a big turn around in behaviour but we still have our "hard" moments. I've started counting to myself so I don't lose it!

Dana

Saturday 21st of January 2012

In my opinion, the person that never has to use a loud voice etc has the kind of kids that aren't that much of a challenge...one of those 'know it alls' who would crack up if they had my kids lol Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with the 'calm equals control' method, but it's not realistic in my situation 100 percent of the time. Kids are kids, they are going to have their moments, and we do the best we can. :)